Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Depression and Anxiety

Last year I battled several months of quite severe depression and anxiety. I didn't tell anyone when I was in the grips of it, I just suffered in silence. 

I have had anxiety and depression before, but not like this. The anxiety was the worst. It was absolutely horrendous. 24/7 I had that horrible sinking feeling. There was no escape.

It's back. Not to the extent that it was here last year, but it's here. It kind of snuck up on me. A flutter of the chest here, a sinking feeling there. 

This morning I put it all together.

The early stages of depression I can handle. Exercise, eat well, read positive books, surround myself with positive people. Done this many times.

But anxiety is new. I didn't even know I had it last year until I had already been living with it for months. 

I don't know how to deal with it. 

So what does all this have to do with a diet and exercise blog?

A hell of a lot actually....

My struggles with the food are affected by my moods. And conversely my mood is very much affected by the foods I eat.

Plus I just needed somewhere safe to get this all out. 

I will not let this take over my like as it did last year. I will kick it. I may just cry a bit here in need...


Megan said...

SV, I really feel for you and completely understand where you are coming from. I suffer from recurring bouts of anxiety and depression too, and I am also becoming more and more aware of just how inter-related food consumption is with those dark and desperate feelings.

The trouble is, I can't find the balance. When I'm trying to do the "on the wagon" thing and eat "well" and in "appropriate portions" I get the mood swings from hell. I can frighten people in my office half to death with one foul look. When I'm at the other end of the spectrum and binge eating like a mad woman, I get the self loathing and feelings of disgust. I need that middle ground, but it has been, so far, elusive.

I've spent a lot of time considering seeking professional help in this area, but I can't actually work out who (or what sort of person) I should see. A counsellor is not for me, I'm not a talker, in that sense at least - it would just give me more anxiety. And if I see one more dietician or other health professional who suggests that I just stop eating when I'm full, I'm gonna use that concealed anvil I have in my bag, just for this very reason.

I'm not sure this is very helpful to you at all, I really don't have any answers. But please know that you are not alone, and don't ever stop trying to beat your demons. Undoubtedly it will continue to be a long and arduous battle, but you're worth every bit of the effort it costs you, plus so much more.

MultipleMum said...

Oh SV. It sounds awful. You are very safe here to cry and vent and explore your emotions, but please speak with your GP too. You may find that things won't get as bad as before if you have some people in your corner. x