You know sometimes you see a really fat person sitting or standing somewhere and you feel a sense of pity for them? You glance then look away, not wanting to stare, and feeling sorry that they let themselves get to such a state.
Today on the train on the way home I was looking around in a bit of a daze, and out the corner of my eye I caught sight of one of those people. It was a lady sitting on the next row of seats over.
I glanced away but looked back when I realised she had been looking in my direction.
Imagine my horror when I realised she was looking at me because it was my reflection!
I looked again.
Yep, that is definitely me I was feeling pity for.
How the fuck did I get here again? I don't want people's pity. I am a strong independent woman. How the fuck did I become this pathetic creature taking up one and a half seats on the train????
Because I was here before 3 years ago.
And I have let myself get back there.
I spent the rest of the ride home trying my hardest not to cry my eyes out.
Now I am home alone and the tears are falling.
I did this to myself.