Hiatus

The Shrinking Vego will be taking a brief hiatus while she tries to get the crap in her head worked out.

I will be back....

Suck it up...

Forgive me readers for I have strayed....

LOL

I have had a great week but I have also had a terrible week.

The great comes in the overall. I have caught up with friends old and
new, I have gone place and done things and it has all been great.

But...

It has led to a deep sense of frustration.

I am frustrated that my eating patterns are not "normal".

I am frustrated that I still can not exercise.

I am frustrated that I love food so much but I have to restrict my intake.

I am frustrated about the whole situation.

But the fact is, frustration or not, I have to just suck it up and do
it. I can't have my 2 year old tantrum and yell and scream and cry.

Well, I can. But it's not going to do me any good. :o)

So I got on the scales after my week of (excess) fine food.

150.2 kgs

To be honest, lower than I expected.

But still bad.

So SV. Time to suck it up. Be a grown up. And just do what I need to do.

Weigh In

Sorry I didn't check in yesterday with my weigh in - I was having "Blogger" issues.

I had an amazing weekend. Unfortunately the amazing involved lots of food. But I did not go too overboard. Although I wasn't as restrained as I should have been.

The result...

149.3 kgs.

A small loss. But still a loss. 

Yesterday was really good food-wise, but I have been feeling a little unsettled. Unsure why. 

The un-settled resulted in bad choices this morning, which resulted in me feeling very very blah.

But I have now cooked up a massive pot of vegetable soup made from the wonderful, fresh, in-season vegetables I got from the Farmers Market on the weekend. Very yummy. Very filling. Very low-cal.

I will make up for this morning. And hopefully I remember how I feel so I don't make the same mistake again.

Cheese OD

I was going really well yesterday until last night when a cheese craving hit...

Cheese, cheese, How I love thee, let me count the ways...

Until about 3 hours later when the stomach cramps hit.

And last all night.

Of course, I wake up this morning with a McDonalds breakfast craving (as I do after being sick, weird, I know). So I drove the slow way to work so I did not pass any of them.

Today is a new day.

A Cheese-Free day.

I forgot to mention

I have gone back to twice weekly weigh ins and am very pleased to say that I am back under 150.

149.7 kgs!!!!

Most of it is fluid (I have been peeing like there is no tomorrow). But I am really really pleased.

2030

That is how many calories I ate yesterday.

My first really good calorie day.

It was not a perfect day. KFC Chips are in there. I am still struggling with the late afternoon hunger. But for that to be in there and me to still be pretty well spot on is awesome for me.

Now, I made a mistake on my new goal. I said that to get to 120kgs in 5 months I need to lose 700g a week. I actually need to lose 1470g a week, or rounded to 1.5kgs per week.

Now while this is a lot, and more thant the "recomended", you need to remember that I weigh a lot more than these "recomended" scales were worked out on. And I still believe I can do it.

Rookie Mistake

Last night I made a rookie mistake.

I let myself get too hungry.

I know hunger is part of the deal when reducing your food intake as much as I am, but this was beyond that.

I left work at 5 already starving. And I mean starving...

From work I had a few errands to run. It was nearly 7 by the time I got home, and if I thought I was starving at 5, you can imagine what 7 was like...

SVP was getting home the same time after 10 hours on his feet.

Pizza was suggested...

Pizza is quick, easy, and fills the basic hunger desire - fat and carbs and quick.

Ice cream followed the pizza...

Here's the thing. It tasted great. But within half an hour I felt like crap. Bloated and uncomfortable. And it lasted all night.

It's true - you eat crap you feel crap.

Now I am not stupid enough to throw in the towel - "oh I blew it I may as well give up" blah blah blah...

I made a mistake. But I can still have a good loss this week if I focus for the rest of the week.

So that is what I will do.

New Goal

I am putting this out there.

I would like to weigh 120kgs by October 3.

That is 5 months (22 weeks).

It averages out to a 700gram loss each week which is more than achievable. I have not further goals beyond that. I just want to get there.

So far today I am doing really well. This will continue. I will do this.

Day 1 Down

First day of counting calories did not go too bad.

Goal was 2000 and I ate 2445.

Yes, it is over. But...

It is probably 1500 less than I would normally eat, AND...

I kept counting and recording, even after I went over.

I am pleased.

Today is another day.

Recipe Time!!!

Lentil, Barley & Mushroom Soup

Ingredients

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 medium leeks, trimmed, halved, finely chopped

3 cloves garlic, crushed

250g button mushrooms, thinly sliced

2 x 410g cans chopped tomatos

1/2 cup dry red lentils, cooked and rinsed

1/3 cup pearl barley

5 cups cold water

Basil, salt & pepper to taste

Directions

1 Heat Oil in large pan over medium heat. Add leek, mushrooms and garlic,

2 Cook, stirring, for 3-4 minutes until softened

3 Add remaining ingredients and bring back to the boil

4 Reduce heat and simmer for approx 4 minutes or until barley is tender

5 Serve with fresh parsley

Serves 4

Back to Basics

I got on the scales this morning. I really wish I had not....

I am so Freaking angry at myself!!!!!!!!

152.5 kgs...

That takes me to only 10kgs less than my highest. I swore I would never get back here.

Yet here I am...

So it is back to basics. 

2000 calories a day.

Exercise within my current limitations.

And get the fat off my body once and for all!!!!!

Recipe Time!!!

Creamy Pumpkin Soup

Ingredients

1 medium butternut pumpkin, chopped

3-4 small-medium potatos, chopped

1 teaspoon mild curry powder

salt & cracked balck pepper

3 cups vegetable stock

2/3 cup full cream

pinch chilli powder (to taste)

Directions

1)  Place pumpkin, potato, curry powder and vegetable stock in a large slow cooker. Season with salt & pepper.

2)  Cook for several hours until the vegetables are tender

3)  Turn off heat and allow to cool

4)  Using a food processor or stick blender, process until smooth

5)  Stir through cream and hilli powder

6)  Warm soup again and serve

I Cancelled my Gym Membership

:(

Yes I am sad about it. I had an amazing deal.

But the simple fact is I hurt my Achilles again on the weekend and it could be months before I can utilise the gym properly. I have all the tools for my recovery at home. It was a waste of money.

Maybe one day I can join again....

An Interesting Thing is Happening

I am a Chocoholic.

There...

I admitted it.

My name is Shrinking Vego & I am a Chocoholic

*Hi Shrinking Vego*

You get the picture....

But I have Easter Chocolate left.  It was given to me at work on Thursday. Not a lot. Probably what I would normally eat in a sitting.

It made it through Thursday.

I left it here over the weekend, and somehow it also made it through yesterday.

So far today I haven't touched it.

I did not over dose on chocolate on the weekend.

I just do not feel the need to eat it.

Weird....

I didn't weigh this week

I moved this week and ate junk food all week and weekend. 

I could not get on the scale.

I couldn't face it.

My kitchen is now set up and I will be doing some shopping this week. 

Time to eat healthy.

Time to take control.

Weigh In

150.0 kgs

:(

Thinking about sugar

There has been quite a bit on TV here lately about sugar. More specifically refined sugar and the amounts we consume, what foods it is hidden in etc.

So it got me thinking. 

I know I eat too much food. I feel as though I am hungry ALL the time. But am I actually craving sugar?

SVP & I have talked about a 30 day blitz where we reduced the amount of refined sugar in our diets to under 8% of the total calorie consumption.

This sounded good until I started looking up my favourite foods....

Vegie pizza on thin crust - 1.9% sugar - this is okay

Hot chips - 1.1% sugar - this is okay

Pad Thai - 3.9% sugar - this is okay

and it goes on...

So clearly this is not going to be a good thing for me, since I tend to reach for the "easy".

But I still think there is something in this. Numerous studies have pointed to excess sugar consumption contributing not only to obesity and obesity related illnesses, but also to skin conditions (I have excema), to general feelings of lethargy, to energy levels etc.

So what I need to do is find an acceptable sugar allowance. 

8% of 2000 calories is 160 grams of sugar a day.

I am sorry but that is way too high for what I am trying to achieve. I am trying to get over my sugar addiction and that is still a LOT of sugar.

There are studies that say 82 grams of sugar is the most you should have. That is based on a 1200 calorie diet. 

That is still quite a lot.

I need to think about this. I am thinking closer to 40 or 50 grams. Maybe even less if I want to get the refined sugar out of my diet.

I am talking refined sugar here. Not sugars from fruits or honey which are naturally occurring form of sugar.

I need to think about this more. Would love to hear what you all think.

EXCITEMENT!!!!

Any of you who follow me on Twitter may already know this amazing news...

I am allowed to start re-introducing cycling to my life!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited!

I am allowed to do up to 30 minutes a day slow pedalling on low tension. I can either use an exercise bike, a trainer (yes that was the photo from the other day for those who were unsure), or actually going out on the bike! As long as I take it easy and use low tension/gears.

I am going to start on the exercise bike at the gym tonight.

I am so excited - I can't wait to get myself over there and ride. It is going to be SO hard to take it easy, but I will do what I have to do to get there.

I am actually going to take a magazine to read. I hate seing people reading on exercsie equipment as I feel it distracts you from pushing yourself. But since I am not allwed to push myself I figure it will be perfect!

I will report in and let you all know how it goes.

I can not wait!!!

Getting Help

I am hungry all the time.

This is not "head hungry". This is honest to God, stomach growling, and feeling like it is going to start eating itself from within hungry.

No matter how much I eat, a few hours later I am hungry.

And it is not like I am exercsing at the moment to build up the hunger.

I need help...

I am going to the doctors later this week to get some weight loss drugs.

I am hoping for Duromine as it is the only one I have had that helps. I only want it for a month or so. Just to get things kick started and under control again. But last time I asked for it my Doc said no. She put me on Reductil (which has now been removed from availability in Australia). The only other one is Xenical which I will NOT use.

I am hoping she gives me something.

I need help...

Present

SVP bought me a present on the weekend, in preparation for whent he Physio gives me the go ahead for light riding.

I can't wait to use it!

I have a Problem...

That problem is the McDonalds breakfast menu

More specifically..

English Muffins with cheese and egg, and hash browns. 

Since I have not been able to ride my bike to work I am stopping there more and more. 5 days a week. One week it was 6 days. And it is crap. I feel crap. But I love the taste.

When I move in a few weeks I will be able to catch the bus a couple of days a week which will be good. No Maccas on the bus route. But when I am driving....

I pass 2 McDonalds on my way in to work.

I need to stop going there. 

I need help.

I am still alive

Sorry for the lack of contact.

Am working on my Achilles recovery and have not had a huge amount to report. It is going really really well and I am hoping to be able to start introducing exercise next week. I need to get my Rehab plan checked off by my Physio then I can get into it.

I will report in when that is happening.

My living situation is also about to change and I will no longer have to share a kitchen. Cooking will begin again in earnest and I will share lots of yummy recipes.

Things are on the improve and I am excited.

The Boot Is Gone!!!!!

At least for a few days!

I am so excited. :)

My Physio has given me a 3 day trial out of the boot. If I go okay then I can stay out of it. If it gets worse he wants me to get anti-infammatory injections into the Achilles area (which I do not want).

So I am being super careful, taking my Voltaren, using my stick, and being as positive as possible that this is the final stage of the treatment!

Send me any healing vibes you have spare. :)

Caffeine

I have decided to go Caffeine-free.

I did this last year for about 5 months but it slowly crept back in. Now it is time to get rid of it for good.

I am prepared for the anxiety this time though. I know it will come. I know what it is. And I have tools to handle it.

Wish me luck!

New Plan

So I spent this week watching my food choices and portion sizes.

I did well except for breakfast - McDonalds Hash Browns and Muffins with cheese and egg get me every day....

A few highlights

 - Went out for dinner and gave 1/3 of my main (which was only entree size) to SVP

 - Gave half my dessert to SVP

 - Eating chocolate, after a few rows asked SVP to take the rest away and if I ask for it to tell me he has finished it

 - No seconds of pasta

How did it show on the scales????

I gained 1.2kgs....

*sigh*

So I need another new plan.

Counting calories with a twist.

I have taken my calorie allowance as set by several well known calorie counting websites

Taken 100 calories off for the fact that I am so sedentary right now

Taken another 200 calories off for vegetables (I am not counting veggies, they are free but I need to allow for them)

Multiplied it by 7 for the week

Thrown another 800 "treat" calories in

And given myself a weekly total of 12700.

This allows for non-hungry days and hungry days, as well as allowing for going out (I have about 6 birthdays to go to this month).

I will give it 2 weeks then re-assess.

Choices

I am starting make better ongoing food choices.

This morning I REALLY wanted chocolate. I wanted a bag of Malteasers (the big bags). Instead I got a small Malteaser Bunny.

My boss offered to buy Pizza for lunch. I said no thank you. I ate my cheese and crackers with a rice snack.

I am not setting records here, but I am making better choices.

Thank You

Thank you so much to everyone for your kindness on Friday.

I still don't know what was wrong, but I needed that cry. It went for about 3 hours on and off.

I am still feeling a lot of frustration at my leg, but I am trying to put a positive spin on things. I am also hoping I can come out of the boot tonight which is going to make a massive difference. I will still be on restrictions but won't be lugging around the heavy leg.

Weigh in today and I lost 1.3kgs. I did not "diet" as such this week, but made better choices. I didn't have dessert just becuase it was there. If I was full, I stopped eating. I am listening to my body.

If I can continue to lose 500g - 1 kg each weel doing this, I will stick with it. Once that stops I will go to a more formal dieting structure. I just don't feel ready to face that right now.

Thank you again for your support. You are all wonderful.

Crying

I have been crying my eyes out most of the afternoon and I do not know why...

I am not pre-menstrual. I am just upset, angry and frustrated at nothing in particular.

My leg is aching, but not hurting to the point of tears. I am at work alone so can't leave. But I just want to curl up and cry.

Normally when I feel like this I go for a long walk or ride.

But I can't.

And that makes it worse...

Struggling

Not being able to exercise and do anything active is doing my head in....

That is all...

Making Good Decisions

I am making good decisions today.

Salad roll or Thai for lunch?

Salad roll. :)

Am off for dinner tonight at a place that has a VERY limited vegetarian menu. So am eating first and will just get a small salad when I am there.

Good decisions.

:)

Moving Through Life

I kind of move through life in a bit of a haze at times.

Just doing what needs to be done. Not paying attention.

Here-in, my friends, lies my problem...

I need to pay attention. To what I am doing. To what I am thinking.

"If you do what you have always done, youwill get what you have always got". I am not sure whose quote this is but I love it. And it is true.

Time to pay attention. I am going to start with my thoughts. No more negative thoughts. No more putting myself down.

I have my list of affirmations. I am going to replace every negative thought with a positive one.

I am going to believe myself healthy.

Just you watch...

Weigh In

I am up to 149.4 kgs.

No real surprise there.

But I will NOT get to 150.

I made a good breakfast choice this morning. Have good food with me for lunch. Have no real desire for crap. And am feeling good.

I have withdrawn from Weight Watchers. It was too complicated. I don't want complicated. I understand calories. I can do this.

I approve of myself.

Something Has Shifted

I don't know what it is but I am not going to analyse it. I am going to accept it and go with it.

Saturday morning I had to duck into the local IGA to get bread. I was hungry. Normally I would grab chips and/or chocolate. I stopped. I looked at them. I realised my body did not need them. I went home and made lunch.

Saturday night I had dinner with friends. Where we went I usually end the night with ice cream. It was discussed. I listened to belly. It was full. I said no.

Sunday morning. Went into convenience store specifically to get a bag of chips as I was hungry and I knew I would be having a late lunch. I walked straight past the chips and got a take home pack of cheese and crackers (5 crackers and 8 small squares of cheese). I ate it and was full. I lasted until the late lunch.

Today, I sent SVP to the shop to get eggs and cheese. I did not beg for chocolate like I normally would. I didn't even think about it.

I am feeling calm. I am not covering my bald head in embarrassment (unless it is sunny out as I do not want to burn it). I am wearing it with my head held high.

I am Shrinking Vego.

I am proud.

I approve of me.

I have a public holiday today so did not get up early enough to weigh in. I will weigh in tomorrow and will record my weight with pride.

Emotional Week

Sorry for not posting, I have needed some time for introspection. Been working on the "inside". :)

Yesterday my long hair got shaved off. I have had a myriad of emotions over the last week about this. It is amazing how much of "me" was tied up in the hair. And now it is gone.

I feel naked.

Stripped completely bare.

But I also feel like an open book, ready for the pages to be rewritten. In a way that is exciting and new.

Something has shifted within. I read Lousie Hay's "You Can Heal You Life" this week and the shift began. So much made sense. I cried all the way through it.

And the hair thing on top of that. Well...

This is probably quite cryptic and I apologise. It is not meant to be. I am just sorting through what is in my head. The changes that are happening. I am hoping they are good.

Already I can see some movement.

The new me is about to emerge. 

Watch out...

Uh Oh...

So this week I remembered to get on the scales. 

I wish I hadn't...

148.4kgs (326.5lbs)

So. What do I need to do?

1) I need to pick a food plan and stick to it. 

I am going back to calorie counting. WW sucks. 

2) I need to fill my calorie allowance with healthy, whole foods.

I am eating oats with rice milk right now and have a salad for lunch and fruit for snacks.

3) I need to find ways to exercise without using my foot.

I am working on an upper body workout I can do sitting on a chair.

4) I need to believe in myself. 

This is probably the hardest one. But I need to believe that I can do it and all the rest will fall into place.

I can do this.

No More Crutches

Friday I got rid of the the crutches. They were just too hard to use. I kept tripping and putting my bad foot down and jarring it.

So now I have a Moon Boot and a walking stick. Aside from the boot being so hot, it is reasonably comfortable. The walking stick is annoying. I feel like an 80 year old! LOL

Sorry I have been quiet. Lots of thoughts running through my head. Will write more this week.

Forgot to Weigh In....

Last night I went and saw a Naturopath.  I haven't been "right" for a long time. I have bad sleep, I am tired all the time, my food cravings are out of control.

I went to a doctor last year who did bloods and they were all fine. So away I went.

The Naturopath was awesome. I won't bore you with the details but we are working on getting me "right" again. As part of that I have to take a range of herbs and supplements for a couple of weeks. 

This morning I was so concerned about what I had to take, I forgot to jump on the scales. I will do it tomorrow.

The first thing we are working on is the digestive issues and the fatigue. She gave me a herbal sleep tonic and I have to say, I slept a lot deeper last night than normal. I actually felt fairly well refreshed when I woke up. I am also taking some things for energy and to calm down the gut. 

I see her again in 2 weeks when we will start a detox. I am looking forward to that as I have wanted to do one for quite a while.

Hopefully as I get less tired and my tummy issues settle down (and hopefully the cravings stop) then I will be able to manage the food situation better than I have been.

I will keep you updated.

Just had the ultrasound...

The good news is there are no significant tears that would require surgery – YAY!

The bad news is the Radiographer said it looks like it has been smashed repeatedly with a hammer. He showed me the good one and the bad one and they seriously look like different body parts.

I am back to the Physio tonight. It looks like a long drawn out recovery.

I wonder if I should try and get the money back from the other Physio that I spent going there, since he was so useless…

The Best Thing....

About being on crutches is...

The thought of hobbling over tot he shops to get junk food is very unappealing...

So I have to eat what I have here. Which is all healthy. Yogurts and bananas only. 

:)

Suck it Up

OK - If I can't exercise for weeks, maybe even months, I need to suck it up and tighten up the food.

No more piss farting around. None of this "oh it's too hard" bullshit.

I need to pick whether I am going to count calories or points then stick to it. 

Everything you read says this is 80% diet, 20% exercise. People can and do lose weight without exercise. Just because I like to do it doesn't mean I have to.

No more moping. No more sulking.

Time to diet...

Went to a new Physio

About my Achilles.

And now I have these....

For 2 weeks. :(

Weird being back

It is taking me some time to settle back in to be home. I was only gone for 4 days but it was so relaxing and I was so cut off that it feels like a lot longer.

I struggled last week with my healthy food habit challenge. Mainly because we could not get fresh fruit (or veg) where we went away. And we tried... It was really bizarre. So I am doing week 1 again.

In other news I am off to a new Physio tonight. My old one seemed to be pretty pathetic so I am getting a second opinion. I can feel a lump growing on the back of the Achilles and that is not good.... That added to the fact that it is constantly swollen leads me to believe he is not doing all he could be.

Weigh in this morning was slightly down. I have not been monitoring my food intake at all. Time to refocus.

The Black Dog is still hovering around the fringes as well. I am trying to do what I can to keep him at bay but it is hard...

I'm back

Hi Everyone

So sorry for the extended absence. SVP and I went away for a long weekend. I was planning on taking the laptop which is why I did not mention it. But at the last minute I decided to have a technology-free weekend.

I had an amazingly relaxing weekend and spent a lot of time with my own thoughts. 

Decisions have been made, others have been un-made. Some decisions are that little bit closer. Things are good.

Didn't do so well with my healthy food habit change this week, but tomorrow starts a new week. And I am relaxed and ready to make some changes...

Healthy Food Habits

Firstly, sorry for the extended absence. After Friday nights reality check I realised I had some thinking to do.

Unfortunately the weekend was SO busy no thinking got thought…

Well, at least not consciously. But thoughts are always swirling I guess.

I came to a realisation this morning. I am overwhelming myself with the need to get this perfect. Eat this many points, that many calories. Do this much exercise at that intensity. It is too much for my small (and now blonde) brain to cope with.

So it comes down to this.

What do I want?

I want a healthy mind and body.

Do I care about skinny?  No, not really. But being truly healthy will entail being smaller than I am now.

So for now, there is no more point counting. No more calorie counting. No more striving for a perfection I am not capable of reaching.

I am breaking this down.

Each week I will remove one bad food habit, and add one good food habit.

This week I will start eating a piece of fruit every day.

And I will stop eating potato chips.

I have gotten into the habit of eating 3-4 large bags of potato chips a week (Smiths Cheese & Onion are my favourite). But the amount of calories in those things is ridiculous. Plus the fact that I always get the ploops afterwards.

Every Monday I will share another + and – that will be coming into my food life. I will be developing good habits one at a time while removing bad habits at the same pace.

If anyone has any suggestions of good food habits I can look at bringing into my daily life, I would love to hear them.