Thursday, January 13, 2011

Did yesterday improve?

No, it did not…

I ended up eating hot chips at the beach.

Why? Because I wanted to…

Did they taste good? Meh…

Did I feel good after? No…

But as it is Thursday it is weigh in day. I weighed in at 145.3kgs which is a loss of 900g over the 3 days which really is quite amazing. Can you imagine what it would have been if yesterday did not happen??? But I am not in a race to the finish here, I just want to finish, so 900g is amazing and I will accept that with a smile.

So I have still been mulling over this whole sabotaging the weigh in day thing that my WL Bud brought up yesterday. I know I am doing it. Why?

I have been told in the past I have “success issues”. I don’t know though, that sounds like a load of crap to me.

I think it is more simple. I work hard all week, I want a loss. If I don’t get a loss I am devastated. If I sabotage and I don’t get a loss, I have an excuse, an “out” if you will. I can them blame something. Blame is important. Because you don’t want to think you can’t do it, because if you think that – you won’t.

When I lost weight before I also had the situation where people did not recognize me. That is when I stopped losing. Being unrecognizable is scary. You think it would be great but it isn’t. If you are not recognized – who are you? Are you still the same person? Who have you become? I felt like I had lost myself. My identity. And it frightened me. The fact the over 2 years later it is still frightening me tells me that this is where I have my issues.

Time to work through them…


Kylie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Shrinking Vegetarian said...


Don't be so hard on yourself. It's all just part of the process-truly! Look back at what happened. You saw the chips, you thought about them, it killed you to walk by them. Then you blogged about it. All GREAT things. But the tricky part is that there it was. Right there in your head. Too late! It's already there! When triggered emotionally, you did what was "natural", turned to what was in your brain.
Been there, done that, a thousand times. But hardly ever, now.

A little trick that I learned is to STOP my brain the very second one of those friggin' thoughts pop into it! I see a McDonald's sign, and if I don't shut it down and immediately put another, more positive thought in its place, I'll end up at McDonald's sometime in the next 3 days. Things like that? They function almost like clockwork!

Your brain needs to be retrained, and you're just at the start of the process. Picture the exercise you're going to do that day. Think of yourself being strong in some OTHER context other than eating. Think of a beautiful dress you want to wear. Replace that thought, immediately. What you dwell on is what you get.

It's just ME maybe, but I think that's a LOT of pressure to have put on you, having to answer WHY you did or did not do something. It's all exploration. You have to learn. Every SINGLE thing you learn is a positive. It matters not one whit if you did something "bad" like eating too much before a weigh-in because you were freaked out. It's not proof that you're weak or bad. It's simple a fact that you can look at, without judgment and say ....hmm. What have I learned from this?

Katie J

Chubby McGee said...

Oh, yay! A fellow overweight vegetarian! I was afraid I was alone!

Not many omnivores understand that sometimes it can be tough for veggies to lose weight because of all the carbs we eat. I'm happy I found you!